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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Hump Day Funnies

A woman notices a man smoking and decides to educate him.
“How many packs of cigarettes do you smoke a day?” she asks.
“Three,” he says.
“How much does each pack cost?”
“Around five dollars” he states.
“And how long have you been smoking?” she inquires.
“Ten years, why?” he questions.
“Well,” she says “did you know that if you had saved all that money from cigarettes, you could’ve bought a Lamborghini by now?”
“Wow!” the man exclaims. “Do you smoke?”
“No,” the woman responds.
“Then where’s your Lamborghini?”
~Curtis Fease~

***What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies!***

***Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!***

***Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.*** ~ (Okay.. maybe not hilarious but hey, it has bacon in it!)

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.

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