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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Hump Day Funnies

Because we all have a rude customer somewhere along the way when in business, I thought it would be fun to find a few funnies in regards to dealing with rude people.  :-) 

How to Treat a Rude Customer
An award should go to the gate attendant at Luqa airport.  A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. She was the lone attendant in charge of re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?" she began.  With her voice being heard clearly throughout the terminal, she said, "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

 With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."



A little marketing fun... :-)  


What is Marketing?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and say, “I am very rich. Marry me!”
That’s Direct Marketing. 

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  One of your friends goes up to her, points at you and says, “He’s very rich. Marry him.”
That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and get her telephone number.  The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me.”
That’s Telemarketing.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.  You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m very rich. Will you marry me?”
That’s Public Relations. 

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  She walks up to you and says, “You are very rich.”
That’s Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and say, “I’m very rich. Marry me.”  She gives you a nice hard slap to the face. 
That’s Customer Feedback.



Just because this was too funny not to post: 


Grandma's Birth Control Pills
A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman patient for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told the woman to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. 

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills? 

"Yes, they help me sleep at night." 
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!" 
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. 

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks.................................. And believe me, it helps me sleep at night." 



And since we are on the teen subject and there seems to be an up-rise on kids who have this false sense of entitlement....  

DON'T MESS WITH MOM!
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He'd decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "Children's Bill of Rights."

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with the crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D. "

Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door
But the chance to teach a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

The next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.,
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

And I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best. "

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save that raging appetite,
and wait 'til dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine.

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof above your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the "Parent's Bill of Rights",
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.?
Received from Joke of the Week. 


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